Book Review: Tiny Beautiful Things by Cheryl Strayed

Not a 'proper' book review

“One hot afternoon during the era in which you’ve gotten yourself ridiculously tangled up with heroin you will be riding the bus and thinking what a worthless piece of crap you are when a little girl will get on the bus holding the strings of two purple balloons. She’ll offer you one of the balloons, but you won’t take it because you believe you no longer have a right to such tiny beautiful things. You’re wrong. You do.”

I spent most of my early twenties trapped in a desolate military medical school poring over books and cadavers with my best friend and roommate. Few things gave us solace - binge watching Korean dramas, buying fast fashion rejects at dirt cheap prices and counting the days until we could go home. For a brief period of time we chanced upon a lovely thing that gave us something to look forward to every week. It was an advice column that was published in a literary website called The Rumpus, written by a mysterious and wondrous woman who called herself Sugar.

It was amazing to read. The questions mostly revolved around grief, love, infidelity, jealousy, self doubt, self loathing, feeling lost and so on. But the answers - OH THE ANSWERS. Sugar answered these letters with so much empathy and compassion, as if she herself had been through each and every painful thing. Every week my best friend and I would read the column and we would sigh some big sighs. Sometimes, we would cry. Later, Sugar revealed her identity as the writer Cheryl Strayed. I had never heard of her but I would never forget her.

“Most things will be okay eventually, but not everything will be. Sometimes you'll put up a good fight and lose. Sometimes you'll hold on really hard and realize there is no choice but to let go. Acceptance is a small, quiet room.”

Much later, I graduated as a doctor, returned home and settled into life. I quickly forgot about that column and Sugar. A few months ago I came across a book, it was called Tiny Beautiful Things. By Cheryl Strayed. It was that same goddess of a woman and all her columns over the years had been compiled into one delicious book. I was ECSTATIC. I was transported back in time. I immediately texted my BFF, and forked over some money right away to make that book mine.

One rainy day, I made myself a cup of tea and cosied up with the book. So much had happened in my life since I last read Sugar’s words. Back then they were just beautiful and thoughtful words, answers to other people’s problems. Having gone through quite a few things on my way to becoming a helpless and hapless adult, I attempted to breathe in every word hoping they would heal me and somehow make me whole again. I revisited her empathy and compassion, and her continued encouragement to everyone who wrote to her to be empathetic and compassionate to themselves. What makes Dear Sugar different from other advice columns is that she shares her own story in all its gory details. She talks about her experiences with loss, addiction, abuse, infidelity, shame, motherhood. In giving so generously of herself she makes people feel understood and accepted even in their worst moments.

And oh, the writing is beautiful! Apparently now there is a podcast, a Substack and a miniseries. *squeezing myself in excitement*

“Accept that this experience taught you something you didn't want to know. Accept that sorrow and strife are part of even a joyful life. Accept that it's going to take a long time for you to get that monster out of your chest. Accept that someday what pains you now will surely pain you less.”